after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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