My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
