I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
