Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
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He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
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I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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