Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize