thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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