Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
