What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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