I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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