Quick, to the slutcave!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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