what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
