So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
