The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
