Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
