I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
