brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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