did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
