omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
