You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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