I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
