I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My pussy is not your playground.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
