are you still at the devil's house?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
