I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
