she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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