I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We have started to decorate penises.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
