Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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