So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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