So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
