Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
