he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
