At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
