Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
