help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
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