margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
