Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
