Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
