Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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