dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
