she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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