Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
