I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
