Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
