Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
