are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
