I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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