just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
