We're facebook friends in real life
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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