Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
