he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
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