My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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