i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So. Much. Porn.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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