he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
