so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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