Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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