he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
We smell like vodka and hangover
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