Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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