sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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