She said her name was "party"
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
