is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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