first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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