i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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