I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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