I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
