im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
