On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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