If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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