I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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