I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
