There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
