She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
